Why do Koreans never call elders by their first names?

Opening Scene – The Moment of Confusion

You are at a family dinner in Seoul. Three generations sit around the table. A university student speaks fluently, confidently — but every time she addresses her uncle, she says “Uncle,” not his name. At work the next day, a junior employee refers to her manager as “Team Leader Kim,” never just “Minho.”

Later, you ask her quietly, “What’s his first name?” She laughs and tells you — but adds, “We don’t call him that.” The name exists. Everyone knows it. Yet it remains unused.

To someone unfamiliar with Korean culture, that silence around first names feels deliberate — almost mysterious.

Three generations of a Korean family sitting together at a traditional wooden table, with grandparents naturally placed at the center while younger members listen attentively.
A warm scene of three generations of a Korean family sitting together around a wooden table in a traditional-style room. The grandparents sit at the center while younger family members face them with attentive and respectful expressions, reflecting the natural hierarchy and relational structure common in Korean culture.

First Interpretation – A Foreigner’s Logic

From many Western perspectives, first names signal equality and warmth. Using them can reduce distance and create a friendly atmosphere. Avoiding them might feel overly formal, hierarchical, or even emotionally distant.

You might assume that not using first names means relationships are rigid or controlled by strict social rules. It can look like unnecessary complexity — especially in close families.

But that interpretation only captures the surface.

Korean Logic – What’s Really Happening

For us, a name is not just a label. It carries position, age, and relational distance. When we choose how to address someone, we are not deciding what to call them — we are defining how we stand in relation to them.

Calling an elder by their first name removes that structure. It flattens a hierarchy that we are socially trained to maintain. Titles such as “oppa,” “eonni,” “seonbaenim,” “samchon,” or professional ranks like “director” or “professor” are not ornamental. They acknowledge experience, age, and responsibility.

We do not avoid first names because we dislike closeness. On the contrary, titles often feel warmer. “aunt,” “hyeong (elder brother),” or “team leader” reflects connection within a structure. It shows that we see the person not just as an individual, but as someone situated within a network of relationships.

Using a first name toward an elder can feel abrupt — almost as if we are ignoring years of life experience. Even in families, where emotional intimacy is strong, we maintain verbal distance. That distance is not coldness; it is respect.

In short, we do not withhold first names out of fear. We protect them out of awareness.

The Hidden Cost – Even Koreans Struggle with This

For us, not using first names for elders feels completely natural. It requires no conscious effort. The tension only appears when we step into global or multicultural environments, where different naming norms apply.

In international workplaces, we may hesitate when someone says, “Just call me by my first name.” The discomfort is not rebellion against tradition — it is simply a clash of habits.

Within Korea, however, addressing elders by titles rarely feels restrictive. It feels normal.

When Cultures Collide

For someone from a culture where first names symbolize friendliness, our habit may seem stiff. For us, using a first name too quickly can feel intrusive or disrespectful.

Neither approach is inherently right or wrong. They simply reflect different priorities: one values equality through language, the other values structure through language.

This pattern appears in other everyday situations as well.
Why is group identity strong in Korean society?

One-Line Insight – What This Says About Korea

In Korea, how we address you defines how we respect you.

Written by Kyungsik Song on February 16, 2026

Image Source: Canva AI

Korean culture, naming customs, hierarchy in Korea, respect in Korea, Korean language, social structure, age hierarchy, Confucian influence, Korean etiquette, cross cultural differences

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